Thursday, February 02, 2023

The sbobet Clone

I was on the other side of the building, deep in one of those conversations that men only engage in after unhealthy libation. Most men will shun the doctor, barricade emotion, and put forth the cool facade, but somehow Southern Comfort has the same coercive chill as an hour with Dr. Phil. Yes, dear friend, I love you, too.
Only one thing could break our manly composure. Only one thing could shake us from our drunken faux-compassion. A visiting physician barreled around the corner, turned on the garden hose, and yelled, “You’re late for the wet T-Shirt contest!”
Welcome to Bradoween V!
I Brought 3 Friends, A Banquet Table, and my “C” sbobet Game.
Actually we got there at noon, which was perhaps the most impressive accomplishment of the weekend. Friday night went just as scripted, except Al had me ruined before dinner and I don’t remember much of the night. I’ve been told we made it downtown and finished all the SoCo at the bar… twice. My houseguests and I made it back to the pad by about 2AM and 80oz of water later, I was fast asleep.
I’m still not sure what the banquet table was for. I use it as a substitute for a real poker table, but Otis had those bases covered. So we strapped it, using 50 feet of rope, to the top of CJ’s rented SUV and drove, slowly, to the party.
One of the most important parts of knowing Otis is the ability to anticipate stories that begin with, “Back when I lived on Juniper Circle…,” and end with “…I woke up in the bathroom!”
If you’ve never heard one of those stories you have no context for the Mizzou Crew, and you’ve probably never heard Otis sing “ROCKETMAN” either, both of which count you among the blessed. Still, the crew is a blast.
Most of these guys travel cross country each year and nail every Bradoween. For most of the guys at this years event, they’ve now attended 5 straight. Poker blogger, JMC Automatic, is among the faithful. Normally, it’s an insult to label people as “a group of degenerate drunkards,” but I mean it this time with love. These people were already there when I arrived and most of them participated in the tournament. In fact, one of them knocked me out, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
Otis really spared no expense and deserves great credit. He may be a self-loathing gambler with an alcohol-poker-rocketman addiction and, yes, he’s a poor judge of gravity, but the man takes care of his friends.
Early last week he called to say he’d spent a small fortune on booze, and you could float a pontoon in the gallons of spirit. He’d composed a dozen plans for the perfect poker tourney, and arranged for the best tournament director in the South to take charge. Perhaps most importanly, he provided a large catered lunch. In my business, it’s common knowledge that anything catered gets good press.
Even when the food ran low, or when it was discovered we’d need another ingrediant for BG’s sissy umbrella booze, or when we discovered a critical lack of DRUNK OLYMPICS CHEESEBALLS, Otis was prepared to shop for more. He was willing to leave the house in the middle of his own tournament for the comfort of his guests.
He had plenty of time. He finished 43rd out of 43. Dead Last. I went to the store with him because I’m a very good friend. I love Otis. I cashed in my tournament chips to go along for the ride.
I came in 41st.
THE TOURNAMENT…Hours 1 and 2
Otis and I hit the K-Mart on Wade Hampton. It’s one of the few left around here after the bankrupcy shut down everything but the blue light itself. We came here for box fans and the aforementioned cheese balls. After a fruitless rummage for the canister of psedu-dairy air we had to ask for help in finding a fan.
We were directed to housewares.
Then sent to hardware.
Then sent to a display at the front of the store where everything was already sold out.
The woman at the customer service station says they’re out of fans… in August… in South Carolina… because they’re out of season. We later found them at WalMart along with what I thought was a fantastic treat. That would be one of the least comfortable puchases I ever made.
By the way, WalMart doesn’t sell cheese balls either.
Neither does the Publix grocery store.
I realize this seems trivial, but this was about to spell big trouble for our friend and Otis’ teammate… Big Mike.
Back at the big game there were other busted names, many of whom were good enough to win. By the time the superbly talented tournament director had also busted out. So had Foxy Maudie, Hotty Heather, Gorgeous Gracie, and um… the Mark. Luckily for all of us (read: suckout capable me!), they had bigger aspirations, a popsensity for booze… and an interest in ring games.
While Eva Can’t Hang mixed potent LITs for every loser, we set up a table in the kitchen. $60 buy-in and blinds at a relatively affordable .25/.50.
Notable hands :
1) I’m in the SB and Maudue is BB.
I limp in and Maudie raises to $4.
I turn to Maudie and say, “I’m about to suck out on you,” and then call with Q-8 of Spades.
The flop is 4-7-9 with two spades so I check and Maudie bets out.
Trouble is the chip denominations have everyone confused (I’d bet $1.25 meaning to bet $6 earlier) and she drastically underbet the pot. I called.
Turn gives me the flush and I bet small.
Maudie raises..and I push.
Maudie’s set of 4s does not improve.
2) 3 players are in the pot after I raise in MP to $2 with A-10 Diamonds.
The flop is all low cards with 2 diamonds.
I check and BadBlood bets $8.
Heather raises to $16
BadBlood and I both call.
The turn is an Ace and I bet out $15.
BadBlood calls and Heather raises all in.
We both call.
River is a diamond and I push all in for a side pot which BadBlood calls.
BadBlood has K-J of diamonds for the King high flush.
Heather has a diamond flush with a str8 flush draw.
G-Rob has the nuts.
Otis and I were team captains.
Big Mike on the other hand…
The only request Al made before the event, “don’t make me or big mike do the cheeseballs.”
Well, if you’ve seen Monty Python’s “Meaning of life”… we were all concerned Mike was a thin mint away from an explosive expulsion.
Lefty wins. [Ed. note: 7 1/2 minutes.]
Big Mike does not feel penalized by the shot, even as a cheese curl chaser, which is totally nasty.
6.) Team Roshambo
Team Good sweeps. We rule this event.
Team Evil fails to cheat and they all take a shot.
7.) Caps
Al and Dr. Pauly vs. Otis and Marty
Otis cheats and Team Good Happily takes a shot
8.) Flip cup.
Otis urges Daddy to cheat and Iggy shows up. At the wrong time.
We drink more shots.
I did not witness the wet t-shirt contest. Any pictures of me at such an event are either forged, or they feature my clone. I hear there are several.
I had knee surgery this morning and the doc has me bumped up on Narcotics.
I can’t focus enough to finish this tonight.
I’ll do so later.
Let me just say…
People make life worth living. You people are helping me live a wonderful life.

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